


Beside You

by orphan_account



Category: Marianas Trench
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blankets, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Diapers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Musicians, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Pillow Fights, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protectiveness, Secrets, Sleepy Cuddles, Stuffed Toys, Thumb-sucking, Toys, pull ups
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-12-27 03:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18295922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Matt did not have a very good childhood. His stepfather, Casey, used Matt as his own personal punching bag.He surprised himself by letting himself get close to an older teen named Josh.Matt would sometimes get this feeling. It was like he was younger than what he really was. Whenever Matt felt regressed at school Josh would be able to tell and he would visit Matt at night.Matt woke up because of loud yelling.Casey was punching his stomach and chest.





	1. Chapter 1

Matt did not have a very good childhood. His biological father, George, died when he was about a year and a half. Matt did not remember his father at all. The only ‘father’ that Matt had ever known was Casey. His mother married Casey about a year after his father died. Casey was not a good man to say the least. He liked to use Matt as his own personal punching bag. Nightly beatings became the norm for Matt when he was about four, though they have slowed down now that he was a teenager. Casey always yelled at Matt. Once Matt broke a dinner plate and he was yelled at, hit, and not allowed to eat for three days aside from at school. The hunger pain was almost as bad as the pain from the beatings. Matt never wanted to get close to others. He was too scared that someone would find out. Matt’s mother loved Casey. Why, Matt would never understand. He was not a good man. Then again, Matt’s mother never believed that Casey was doing anything to him. When he was a little kid his mother told him to stop lying and that Casey loved him and he would never do the things that the boy was describing. That was another reason that Matt never told anyone, if his own mother did not believe that Casey was abusing him, who would. Nobody would ever believe him so what was the point?

That was why he surprised himself by letting himself get close to an older teen named Josh. He met Josh when they were in band. Josh played guitar- he was a really good guitar player- and Matt played trombone. They hit it off immediately. Matt felt a weird sense of… safety that came off the older boy that Matt could not explain. It was like nothing could ever hurt him when Josh was around and Matt was not afraid. Matt liked being with Josh.

Matt would sometimes get this feeling, especially around Josh. Matt had no idea what this feeling was. It was like he was younger than what he really was. Matt did not know what it was. It caused him to do some weird things. First off he never felt like talking when he felt like that. I was like something was block the words from coming out, especially words that Matt would not have known as a little kid. Matt would much rather make noises or point to something that he wanted. The boy could force himself to talk when he felt like that, but it always exhausted him. All he wanted to do was curl up under a fuzzy blanket and snuggle when his only stuffed animal that he had. It was like he regressed to when he was a little kid. Sometimes he would wet the bed when he was like that. Matt shivered and felt like bursting into tears as he thought about that. Casey would hurt him really bad when he wet the bed. Call him disgusting and weak and pathetic. Matt would try and explain that he could not control it, but Casey never listened. 

Even though he was still in school, he knew that tonight he would wet the bed. He felt like that- regressed-, and the boy did not feel like being in school right now. Not when he was too stressed about the possibly that he would wet the bed and Casey hurting him. The boy really, really wanted to ask Josh if he could crash at his house tonight, but the older teen was already giving him odd looks, and Matt did not want to act weird around him tonight, and he did not want to piss on wherever Josh told him to sleep. Maybe he should get something for that, so that he did not have to worry about it on.

Matt knew that there was diapers at the store, and that if he wore one he could just throw it away and no one would know any better, not even Casey. Maybe he could, but what if Casey found out. Casey would hurt him. He would hurt him bad! He would call the by weak and pathetic and a freak. Matt felt his chest tighten at just that thought. Matt did not want Casey to hurt him again. Matt could feel tears enter his eyes, but he could not cry in the middle of band class when he should be focused on the music in front of him, so he forced the tears to go away by blinking rapidly. Casey was going to hurt him anyway, so he might as well make sure that he would hurt him later. He would go to the store after school.

“Hey, are you okay?” Josh asked the younger man causing him to jump. Matt looked over at Josh, who was also looking at Matt with concern in his eyes. Matt nodded, not feeling like talking at all. “Are you sure, Matty?”

Matt cleared his throat and said in a little whisper, “I’m fine, Joshy.” 

Josh looked at Matt like he did not believe the younger teen but he did not say anything else as the band director told them to turn to the next sheet of music.

Later that night, with Casey gone for work, Matt crawled into his bed after he put himself into a pull up that he got from the store. The pull up just made him feel more… regressed. Not that Matt hated it. He knew that it was not normal, but feeling like this made him not worry about anything. Not Casey, not school. Nothing and it felt amazing, even though it was not normal. Matt did not care. As long as no one else found out about it, it should be fine. 

Matt clenched his stuffed puppy that his biological father got him before he was born. It was a small blue puppy with green spots, ears, and tail. Matt loved his puppy. Casey did not know about it. If he did, he would make Matt throw him away or rip it. There was no way that Matt would be able to live without his puppy. Matt whimpered at the thought of his puppy being gone and held his puppy tighter. He did not want to throw his puppy away, and he did not want Casey to hurt his puppy. His puppy was his, he loved it. Matt would have to hide it from Casey. That was the only way to protect his puppy. 

The boy jumped when he heard someone bang on his window. He whimpered and hid under his blankie a little more. He did not want anyone. He did not want anyone to see him. Not when he was like this

“Matt! C’mon man! It’s freezing!” Matt heard Josh say. Matt uncovered himself and looked toward his window to see Josh was looking at him from the outside. The older teen smiled and waved at the younger boy. Josh pointed at the lock to tell Matt to open the widow.

Matt got up and opened the window to let Josh in. He wanted to ask Josh why he was here, but Matt did not feel like talking, it felt like it would take too much. So, he just hummed in question and looked up at the taller teen, rubbing his eyes, sleepy. He was so tired and he just wanted to go to sleep. 

“C’mon, Matt it’s only ten,” Josh teased with a small smirk. Josh folded his arms and leaned against Matt’s desk.

“‘M tired,” Matt forced himself to say, wanting to slap himself with how whiny he sounded, “what’re you doin’ here?”

Josh rolled his eyes and sat down on Matt’s desk, making sure not to sit on any of the papers that were cluttering the top of his desk, “what, you don’t like my company, Webb.”

Matt groaned and shook his head. He liked Josh’s company and Josh knew it. The boy really did not feel like dealing with Josh right now, especially not when the older boy felt like being a sassy ass.

Josh stood and said, “you really are tired, aren’t you, Matty?” Josh smiled gently at the younger teen and ran his hand through the boy’s hair.

Matt shifted his weight from one foot to the other, leaning into Josh touch, and nodded, pointing to his bed like the small child that he felt like. The boy just wanted to go to bed. Josh chuckled, and Matt felt a burst of warmth spread through his chest at Josh’s chuckle. 

“Then let’s get you to bed then, Buddy,” Josh told him, pulling the younger boy’s covers back. Matt felt himself blush a little. Josh should not have to do this, but Matt was not going to complain, Josh was doing this of his own free will. Matt shuffled to his bed and laid down, he grabbed his puppy and once again held it to his chest. When Josh covered him up with his comforter Matt sighed, eyes slipping closed. Matt felt the bed dip and the boy hummed in question, but Matt did not open his eyes, no longer having the strength to. Matt felt Josh rub his back, Matt could not held but lean into the touch, though Matt felt a bit embarrassed at this situation. Matt just let his best friend (well his ONLY friend) tuck him into bed like he was a five year old, but Josh did not seem to mind. 

“I was honesty worried about you, Buddy,” Josh whispered to the younger man, “you were kidda acting… off all day and I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” there was a slight pause before Josh asked, “you know that you can tell me anytime somethings wrong, right?”

Matt shrugged, honestly. The boy did not know. 

“For the record, Matty,” Josh started, “you can tell me anything. That’s what friends do.”

Matt considered that for a moment, it made sense to him. They were friends, so they should talk to each other when they were upset about something, so he nodded. He wanted to stay up for longer, especially when Josh started singing (he was such a good singer), but the boy was so sleepy and he could not help but fall asleep. 

The next morning, Josh was not in the bed with Matt, and the boy could not help but by slightly disappointed by that fact. The boy knew that he should not expect Josh to stay. Josh probably had much more important things to do that did not have to do with Matt. 

Matt was also right, and he did wet the bed. Or at least he would have wet the bed if he did not have the pull up on. Right now the pull up was soaked and uncomfortable feeling. Matt did not know how to feel about that. Matt supposed that he should feel embarrassed about the fact that he would have wet the be without the pull up, but he did not. The teen felt relieved. As long as Casey never found out about the pull ups, bedwetting was one less thing that Matt had to worry about Casey hurting him over. 

Matt got up and got ready for school, making sure to hide the pull up in his bathroom trash.

…

From that day on, whenever Matt felt regressed at school Josh would be able to tell and he would visit Matt at night. Anytime Matt felt that way he would leave his window unlocked so that Josh could climb in when he got there. 

When he did get there, he would normally get Matt to bed. Sometimes Matt would try and fight about going to bed just because he knew that he could. Josh was always so patient with him. Matt loved that so much. If Matt was already in bed, Josh would get into bed with him. That made Matt feel so safe because Josh would wrap his arms around him and sing to him, and that always felt amazing. It felt even more amazing when Josh would run his fingers through his hair. Matt always fell asleep easily when Josh was there.

Matt never felt like he could sleep when he was regressed without Josh. Josh not being there made Matt feel sad, but right as when Matt started to feel sad Josh would appear and make it all better. Matt thanked whatever God was up there that Casey did not find out about anything. Not Josh’s late night visits, not about the pull ups. Nothing. He also thanked whatever God that Josh never wanted to talk about his late night visits. The most that he would do was ask if Matt wanted him to come over. It was a discreet way to ask Matt if he was regressed (not that Josh had a name for how what that was). When Matt said ‘yes’ Josh would show up about midnight and help him get to bed, earlier when Matt did not answer verbally. If Matt said no, Josh would ask if he wanted to come over to his house, which Matt always said yes to. He loved hanging out with the older teen.

Matt knew that Josh had his own issues (he got kicked out of high school about a year into his late night visits because of them) but he did not know the extent of his issues until he showed up to his window randomly one night after he got kicked out of high school. 

It was well past midnight when Matt heard a knock on his window. Matt stirred and sat up, trying to figure out what woke him up. He heard the knock again, “Matt open up!” Josh shouted at him. 

What, why was Josh there. Matt was not feeling regressed that day. Sure, he and Josh hung around without him being regressed, but Josh never showed up at his window if Matt was not regressed. Matt stood up and let him in anyway. 

“What’s up Josh?” the younger teen asked, crossing his arms, wanting answers as to why he was kick out of high school.

Josh hung his head and said, “I’m sorry, Matty,” Josh sounded like he was about to start crying. 

“What’s wrong, Joshy?” Matt asked, uncrossing his arms, needing answers. 

Josh rambled for a few minutes, telling Matt that he was depressed and anxious and that he would throw up his food. Josh said that he was addicted to heroin. By the end, Josh was crying.

“Oh my God, Joshy,” Matt breathed, walking up to the older boy and hugged him. Matt did not know what else to do. He felt horrible. All this time Josh had all of these problems but he was worried about Matt too. Did he ever make Josh feel worse by acting the way that he did? Matt hoped not. 

“Why didn’t you ever tell my anything?” Matt asked.

“I don’t know, Matty,” Josh said, holding the younger boy like he was a life line, “I-I wanted to, but I just- I couldn’t. My parents are making me go to rehab.”

“When, for how long?” Matt asked. 

“Tomorrow,” Josh answered with a sniffle, trying to get his tears under control, “for six months.” 

“It’s going to be okay, Joshy,” Matt told him, leading Josh to the bed. As soon as they got to the bed, Josh curled up around Matt like Matt had done to Josh so many times before. 

“I’m sorry, Matty,” Josh apologized for the fact that he would not be able to be with Matt for six mouths. He knew that he was Matt’s only friend and that he was probably the only one that knew about what happened to Matt sometimes, even if he did not fully understand the later, “I’ll be back.”

“I know you will.”

And he did come back, after rehab Josh looked like a whole new person. He had gained weight, he had color in his face, he stood a little straighter. He looked good. 

Matt was so proud of the other man.

Matt had missed Josh so much and he tried not to regress while he was in rehab because he knew that he would get sad and cry. Matt did not want to be sad or cry, so he pushed that side of himself down as much as he could until Josh came back. Not that he did not regress while Josh was gone, but he tried not to do it too much because all he could do was lay down on his bed, clench his puppy and try not to cry while at the some time try to get some sleep. 

So, when Josh was able to visit Matt a few days after he came back, Matt could not help but slowly regress after not being able to for so long. Luckily, he knew that this was going to happen, so he already put on a pull up. He was starting to grow out of the pull ups. He would have to get something else soon. The thought of trying real diapers in adult sizes crossed the boy’s mind at times. The idea interested him.

Josh and Matt where laying down on Matt’s bed late at night, with the T.V. playing some cartoon (Josh’s idea) in the background. Josh was telling Matt about this guy that he called- Ian- who had a Cantonese to English translator as his voice mail. Josh thought the Ian was going to be the perfect drummer for the band (that they had yet to find out a name for) now all they needed was a bassist.

Matt tried to listen, the stuff that Josh was trying to tell him was really important and Matt was supposed to listen. But he could not, and that made Matt feel bad. Josh seemed to realize that Matt was regressed because he wrapped an arm around the boy. Matt rested his head on Josh’s chest. That felt good. Matt closed his eyes and stuck his thumb in his mouth. That was something new that Matt started to do while regressed, sometimes Matt was not able to stop himself from sucking his thumb, and he sometimes woke up with his thumb in his mouth. Matt had seen pacifiers in the baby sections of the stores and that interested him like the diapers, but Matt did not think that getting a pacifier would not be a good idea for many reasons. 

Josh reached down so that he could pick up Matt’s stuffed puppy from under the younger boy’s bed, “here, Buddy,” Josh told him, handing Matt the puppy. Matt hummed in thanks, holding his puppy close to his chest, resting further into Josh. “Night-night Matty.” 

“Ni,” Matt mumbled past his thumb. 

Matt woke up because of loud yelling. Matt whimpered and curled up a little tighter around Josh, held his puppy a little bit tighter, and sucked on his thumb a little harder. The loud yelling was scary. Matt was scared! He wanted the yelling to go away. Matt did not like the yelling. Matt felt Josh hold him a little tighter. Matt whimpered and buried his face into Josh’s chest. Josh was here! Josh was going to be protect him. He had to. Joshy please.

Matt felt someone grab him on his upper arm roughly and pull him away from Josh. No! Matt wanted Josh. He needed him. The boy was scared because of the yelling and now his arm hurt. Matt yelped in fear and pain and tried to reach out for Josh. He wanted Josh. 

“What the hell?” Matt heard Josh exclaim, “get away from him!” 

Matt was pinned against the wall adjacent from his bed, and Casey was punching his stomach and chest. Casey was screaming at him at the top of his lungs. Matt could not understand him, mind clouded in fear. Matt felt tears enter his eyes, but he tried not to let himself cry. When he cried during a beating, Casey would hit him harder, “I’ll give you something to cry about.” 

Josh ran up to where Matt was getting beat and tried his best to pull the man away from Matt. He could not let Matt get hurt anymore, not ever, especially not when Matt was acting like a little kid. The poor kid looked terrified and looked he was about to start crying. 

Unfortunately for Josh and Matt, the man was much stronger than Josh and jerked himself away from the teen and slapped him across the face hard enough to send him to the floor. Casey got a few good kicks to Josh’s ribs and everyone heard sickening crack.

“No!” Matt cried, “don’t hurt ‘em,” Matt felt tears stream down his face. Casey was hurting his best (only) friend. Matt heard the crack and he knew that that meant that Casey broke something. Matt did not want Josh to get hurt anymore. Casey could not hurt Josh. No, no that was not suppose to happen.

Casey turned to Matt and stalked over to the boy who was now curled in a tight ball on the floor. He had to protect his head and stomach. He already hurt so bad. Casey kicked Matt again and again. God, this hurt, but it was better for Casey to hurt him than to hurt Josh. 

“You would want to protect him, little faggot,” Casey sneered.

Matt whimpered at the harshly spoken words. It was no secret that Matt had feelings for both boy and girl. Matt did like Josh like that, but no one knew about that, not even Josh. Matt did not want anyone to know, especially not Casey.

Josh knew that he could not use his strength (or lack thereof) to make Casey leave Matt alone, especially when his ribs where in excruciating pain and he could not breath in completely. So, the teen reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Josh dialed 9-1-1. 

“Josh Ramsay, 1205 N. Porcelain Street. My friend’s stepfather is beating him…” Josh did not get the chance to complete his thought to the 9-1-1 operator because Casey took the phone out of his hand and threw onto the ground, stomping it to pieces. 

“You little fucker,” Casey sneered.

“They are coming,” Josh breathed, short of breath. Josh held his ribs and tried to stand, he heard Matt sobbing behind Casey. He needed to get to Matt, he did not care about Casey right now.

Suddenly, Josh heard police sirens outside the house and he smirked. Casey ran. Josh staggered over to Matt and sat down next to the boy. 

Matt whimpered, curling up further on himself, “hey, Matty,” Josh breathed, “everything’s okay, Buddy he is gone. He can’t hurt you,” Josh gulped, trying to take in a breath.

Matt whined, pointing at Josh’s ribs, “hurt.” 

“I’m fine, Buddy,” Josh told him, cold sweet starting to break out on his forehead, his heart rate beating fast. He was not fine, but he could not let Matt know that. Josh forced himself to breath deeper even though it hurt like a bitch.

Matt whimpered and shook his head miserably, he got his friend hurt, Josh should hate him. Josh reached out to touch his shoulder, “c’mere, Buddy,” the older boy pulled Matt to his chest. Matt sobbed into Josh’s shoulder, not able to stop himself. 

A few seconds later, Josh heard footsteps coming closer to them, “we’re in here!” Josh shouted as loud as his could, which he was not too loud.

"It's okay, Buddy, everythings going to be okay. I promise. He will never hurt you again."


	2. Beside You CH 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh and Matt go home.

Later that night, Matt was in Josh’s hospital room, the older boy was asleep, after he woke up the doctors were going to let him go home. Josh ended up having two broken ribs that punctured his left lung. Matt held the older boy’s hand while Josh’s mother was out of the room talking with Josh’s father about everything that happened. Matt felt horrible. He should have never let himself get so close to Josh. If he did not get close to Josh none of this would have happened to the older boy. Josh would not be laying in a hospital with broken ribs. That had to hurt really bad. Josh had an owie because of Matt. Matt felt tears enter his eyes. Matt wiped his eyes he should not be crying. If anyone should be sad and crying it would be Josh. He was the one in the hospital with a broken rib. 

Josh moaned as he opened his eyes. The teen tried to sit up, but just ended groaning in pain and he held his ribs. He refused any strong pain meds- the whole recovering heroin addict thing- and now his ribs were hurting like a bitch again. He then saw Matt at the side of his hospital bed and smiled, trying to hide his pain for Matt’s sake, “hey, Matty.”

Matt looked down at his lap, waving shyly and squirming slightly. 

“Are you okay, Buddy?” Josh asked the younger boy, concerned. He rubbed Matt's knuckles with the pad of his thumb to try and comfort him. 

Matt nodded, though it was not true. The boy was still scared and his tummy and chest hurt. It hurt to breathe. The doctors told him he had bruised ribs and others bruises all over his body and a bunch more types of owies all over his body. But Josh had bigger owies than Matt did, Josh should be worried about himself, not Matt. 

“Matt?” Josh said his name like a question, like he was telling Matt to tell him the truth. 

“Hurt,” Matt said in a voice barely above a whisper, tears entering his eyes. 

“I'm sorry, Buddy,” Josh sighed, feeling terrible for the younger boy. Josh rubbed Matt's knuckles in a soothing manner, squeezing his hand. 

Matt squirmed for a second. He did not want Josh to feel sorry. Josh had nothing to be sorry for. He helped Matt. Helped him in more ways than he probably knew. He needed to stop being worried about Matt. 

“Hurt,” Matt repeated, this time pointing at Josh. As if Josh did not know that he was hurt too and should not worry about Matt. 

Josh could not help that ghost of a smile that appeared on his lips, “I know, we're both hurt, Buddy,” after a few seconds of silence, Josh asked, “That's not the first time something like that has happened, is it,” talking about Casey beating Matt. 

Matt shook his head and looked down. Ashamed. 

“Why didn't you tell me?” Josh asked, concern and disbelief in his tone.

Matt’s lower lip trembled and a few tears escaped his eyes. The boy shrugged and opened his mouth a few times to try and say something, but no words came out for a few seconds. Until he said, “scawed,” in a tiny voice that Josh had to struggle to hear. 

Josh sighed, “don't cry, Buddy, don't cry,” he said. Josh pulled on Matt's arm to encourage the younger boy into a hug. The younger boy accepted the hug and gently laid his head on Josh's chest, trying not to hurt Josh. Matt sighed in relief that he did not seem to hurt the older boy in any way. Matt relaxed into Josh further, taking in all of his warm safety, not knowing that Josh needed the hug as much as he did. 

Josh sighed again, wincing as that one hurt his ribs, “I guess I can understand being too scared to tell people when something is wrong,” Josh said, mostly to himself than to Matt, “Matty.” The boy made a questioning hum, opening his eyes that he did not even realize that he closed.

“I need you to promise me that, no matter what it is, when something is wrong, you'll tell someone. It doesn't have to be me, but I want you to tell someone. Can you promise me, Matty?” 

Matt felt a few tears escaped his eyes again and he sniffled. Matt was not sure what to say to that. The boy wanted to promise Josh that he would do that to make Josh happy, but he was not sure if he could keep his promise. Ha did not want to make a promise if he could not keep it. That was bad. At the same time, he knew that if he made a promise to Josh that he would keep it. No matter how hard. 

Matt nodded. 

“Y-Yes, Joshy,” Matt sniffled, lifting up his sleeve to wipe his nose, “I s-sowwy.”

“You don't have to be sorry, Buddy,” Josh told him, lifting up his arm and rubbing Matt’s back, “and I promise you the same thing, Buddy, okay?” 

Matt nodded, liking the idea that Josh would not hide anymore too. 

“And I promise you one more thing, Matty,” Josh said, kissing the top of Matt’s head without thinking about it, “Casey will never hurt you again.” 

…

After Josh's parents found out that Matt’s mother was not home, they invited Matt to spend the night with them. Josh’s parents did not want the boy to spend the rest of the night alone when he did not have to.

“Do you need to stop back home so that you can get a few things, Matt?” Corlynn asked from her place in the passengers set. She looked back at both of the boys. 

Matt nodded, licking his dry lips before forcing himself to say, “y-yes, Mrs. Ramsay.”

Corlynn smiled sadly at the boy and said, “Corlynn, Sweet Heart,” for what felt like the thousandth time in the time that Matt and Josh have been friends. 

“Corlynn,” Matt muttered under his breath with a small nod, too tired to do anything else. All Matt wanted to do was go to sleep. He did not even know what he would have to get from home. Well, a few pull ups would be needed. He did not see himself not being regressed for a while, and he had already wet the pull up that he was wearing a couple times because of sleeping and fear. He did not get the chance to change out of the soaked thing. Matt hated it, it was squishy and sitting in his own urine for so long was starting to make him itch. The boy was lucky that he did not smell, that would cause too many questions that Matt would not want to answer. The worst part was that Matt had to go potty again really bad and he could not go in the pull up again without worrying about it leaking. Matt needed to go potty, then Matt wanted to get dry and go to sleep- preferably with Josh.

When they got to his house, Josh giving directions because Matt did not feel up to it, both Josh and Matt got out of the car. Matt made a questioning noise in Josh's direction we he got out of the car as well. 

“No offence, Buddy, but you look like you would get lost getting to the house,” Josh said, leading the younger boy to his house. 

Matt did not admit it, but the older boy was probably right. So, he followed Josh, happy that Josh was not wincing at every step that he took. The doctors gave Josh a prescription for non-opiate pain killers and they seemed to be working. Matt wished that the doctors had give Matt something, but because Matt was not eighteen and his mother was not with him, they could not give him a prescription. ‘You’ll be fine,” the doctors told him. Matt tried not to whimper. He was hurt. So hurt that he could not lift his arms up completely and it was hard to breath. He will be fine, Matt told himself. 

“Okay, Buddy,” Josh told him when they reached Matt’s room. Both boys hesitated before Josh cleared his throat and addressed Matt again, “go to your bathroom. Get your toothbrush, toothpaste, and protection.” 

Matt blushed slightly at the last one (because Josh would know about that) but nodded and listened to the older boy. As soon as he was in the bathroom Matt dropped his pants and pulled off his pull up. The boy then took care of his business. It was a slow process, with his ribs hurting like they were, but he would manage. He was fine. Matt could put himself in a pull up after He went potty. He did it all the time. Matt pulled back up his pants after he was done with everything. 

The boy got he toothbrush and toothpaste like Josh told him and he grabbed four more pull ups. It was the rest of the pack anyway, he might as well. Matt thought about grabbing some soap but he did not. Josh did not tell him to, so he must be planning to share him. That was fine with Matt. Josh’s shampoo and soap smiled good.

When the boy walked back into his room, he saw that Josh had one of Matt's backpacks that he went camping with. Josh was putting some clothes in the bag. When he got a closer look at it he say that it was a Mickey Mouse shirt that he bought a couple of weeks ago. He could not help it at the time, it was so cute and it was comfy to sleep in. 

“Hey, Buddy. I'm just getting you some clothes for tonight and tomorrow. Is there anything else you want?” Josh asked, taking the stuff that Matt got from his bathroom, not questioning the pull ups when he saw them 

“Puppy,” Matt whispered, walking over to his bed to pick up the abandoned stuffy. Matt held the toy to his chest as tightly as possible without hurting his ribs. When he turned back to look at Josh, the older boy was looking at him with a smile on his face. Matt blushed a little and hid his face in his puppy's tummy to hide his blush. 

Josh chuckled at the boy and walked over to him. Josh wrapped an arm around Matt’s shoulder and said, “c'mon buddy, let's get out of here.” 

Matt nodded in agreement, and unhide his face to look up at Josh with trusting eyes. Josh smiled down at the boy and led him out of the house, and Matt had the fleeting thought that he never wanted to enter that house ever again. 

…

When they finally arrived to Josh's house, the boys entered Josh's room with a twin sigh. Both boys were exhausted, but they needed to change into pajamas. No matter how hard of a task that sounded like to both of the boys. 

“Okay, Buddy,” Josh said, handing Matt clothes from his house; Matt's Mickey Mouse shirt and a pair of black sweatpants, “change into these while I go into the bathroom to change, okay.”

Matt did not like that idea of Josh leaving the room for even one moment, but Josh's room was the closest one to the bathroom and it should not take that long for Josh to change, hopefully. Matt nodded and took the clothes that Josh handed him.

For a moment, Matt stood there dumbly, not sure what to do with the clothes in his hands. Then Matt walked slowly over to Josh's bed and put the clothes down. Matt first took of his pants, which was harder to do than it was when he was at his house. His ribs hurt so much and Matt had to bite back a whimper of pain when he pulled up his sweatpants. Matt then tried to left up his arms to take off his shirt, but he could not. When he lifted his arms an excruciatingly stabbing pain went down both sides of his body. Matt gasped and was somehow able to get his shirt off and onto the floor. Matt whimpered, he pain increased tenfold, but the boy needed to get his shirt on. Josh told him to. 

With short, quick breaths, Matt tried to lift his arms again to put on his Mickey Mouse shirt, but the same pain went all throughout his body and he could not do it. It hurt too much. Matt felt tears enter his eyes as his knees buckled. The boy would have ended up on the floor if he did not move his body so that he landed on Josh’s bed. But, even that hurt. Every movement that Matt made hurt really, really bad and he could not even breathe without it hurting. Matt curled up as tightly as possible. A tiny sob ripped its way through Matt’s throat. All that did was send more electric waves of pain throughout his body, which caused him to cry harder, which caused him to hurt worse.

By time he heard his name being called, Matt was crying at his earnest while still trying to remain quite, “hey, hey, Buddy what wrong. Why are you crying?” 

Matt recognized Josh’s voice and tried to reach out for him, wanting Josh to take the hurt away. Josh gently wrapped the younger boy into his arms, already having an idea as to way Matt was crying, poor baby was hurting so much. 

“C'mon, Buddy, breathe for me. Breathe for Joshy,” Josh whispered in Matt’s ear, “I know it hurts, Buddy, but you gotta breathe.” Matt whimpered, he was trying to breathe, but it hurt. Everything hurt. Matt just wanted the hurt to go away. Joshy please. 

“I know, Buddy. I know it hurts,” Josh said, “it’ll pass. Just breathe like me, okay?” Josh gave an over exaggerated breath, even though it hurt him a bit, but Matt needed someone to follow. Right now, Matt was hurting way more than Josh was, and Josh could not help but wonder if the doctors got it wrong and Matt had more than just bruised ribs. “That’s it Buddy. Good job, Buddy, good job,” Josh praised the younger boy as he calmed down. Josh ran his hand through the boy’s hair to comfort him some more.

“Now,” Josh pulled back from the boy with a small smile for the boy’s sake, “let’s try this whole shirt thing again, shall we?”

Matt whimpered, shying away when Josh came near him with the shirt. Fear bright in his eyes, scared that if he tried to put the shirt on again it would make him hurt more again. His ribs were still throbbing. 

Josh sighed, he knew that there was no way that he was going to get Matt into a shirt without hurting him again and Josh hated that. Josh was about to say ‘fuck it’ on the shirt and just have Matt lay back so that they could both get some sleep. But Josh knew that with Matt’s level of pain that he would not be able to get sleep. He would just stay up all night in pain. That was torture, Josh knows. Josh could not allow for Matt to go through that. Josh was tempted to go ask his mom to get Matt some over the counter pain meds, but Josh did not think that they would touch Matt’s pain. 

Then a thought came to Josh’s mind, he could just give Matt one of his pills. Josh knew that that was not exactly legal, but then again, he had not become concerned with what was legal when it came to drugs until about a month ago. He could go back on that slightly, especially when his best friend was considered. 

Josh walked over to his desk and opened the bottle and taking one of the pills out. The teen then walked over to his mini fridge to get a bottle of water. “Here, Buddy.” 

Matt made a questioning noised while he took the pill and water from the older boy.

“It’s my prescription, Bud,” Josh answered honestly. 

Matt whined and shook his head, trying to hand everything back to Josh and wincing as he did so. The pills were Josh’s and only for Josh. It would not be right for Matt to take it. 

Josh could not help but roll his eyes, “c’mon, Buddy. You need it and I’ll be fine with one less pill. I promise,” Josh crossed his heart. 

Matt seemed to consider that for a moment and listened to Josh, taking the pill and drinking some of the water. 

Josh sighed in relief, “now, let’s forget about the shirt and get to sleep. How does that sound?” 

“Ni’,” Matt said, rubbing his eyes. He was so tired.

“Yeah, let’s go ni-ni, Baby,” Josh said the nickname passing through his lips before he thought about it. 

Josh helped Matt crawl up to the pillows and collapse on top of them. Josh took his place next to Matt, laying down on his left side. Matt hesitantly snuggled into Josh, not wanting to hurt Josh or himself again. 

“It’s okay, Buddy,” Josh told the boy, holding him close, needing to feel Matt close to him as much as Matt did. 

Both boys were asleep in no time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be equally as sad, so prepare for that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt gets kicked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while so let's do this.

The next day, Matt had to go his house because his mother wanted him too. Matt had looked terrified and he did not want to go. He still wanted to be around Josh and his family. Josh and his family did not hurt him. They treated him good and made sure that he was comfortable all day. 

Matt did not want to go home, but he was forced to. 

When he first got home he just went to room and stayed there. He was currently sprawled out on his back on his bed in the most comfortable position that he could manage with his hurt ribs. The boy did not want to come out and face his mother. His mother was going to be so mad at him. She would blame him for everything that happened last night. Matt did not want to deal with that right now. The boy had a good day so far. Him and Josh had breakfast together, and they meant with Ian to talk about band stuff and play together. Josh could not sing very good because he could not get good air support, and he had joked that he normally sounded a lot better. Ian said that he hoped so. 

Matt liked Ian. The older man was nice and funny, and he was a really good drummer. Matt hoped that they could find a bass player soon. Ian had told them about his roommate named Mike who was a bassist and they were going to talk to him some time to see if he could be the final piece of the puzzle to the band. Matt hoped so. Finding a drummer as good as Ian had been hard. 

Matt was brought out of his train of thought when he heard a knock at his door. The flinched slightly and did not say anything, knowing that his mother would simply enter his room if she wanted to. 

As predicted, his mother entered the room a few seconds after knocking. 

“We need to talk,” his mother said in an accusatory tone. 

Matt turned his head away from her, “about what?” the boy mumbled. 

“Your father.”

“What about him?” Matt said, his voice breaking. The boy did not want to ever think about Casey ever again. He did not was to see him. The boy knew that Casey would hurt him really bad, and Matt shook at just the thought. Not that his mother would ever believe him, and if she did accept that Casey liked to hit him, she would think that it was all his fault somehow. That is probably what she came to “talk” to him about. She wanted to make him believe that Casey hitting him was all him fault. Matt used to believe that. He swear that he would never let himself believe that ever again. 

“You know that he would never hurt you on purpose,” his mother told him as she took a seat on his desk chair.

“He does it all the time!” Matt exclaimed in a louder than necessary voice, but he did not care. Why couldn’t she see that Casey liked to hurt him? “Ever since I was little.” 

“He had to have a reason, Mathew,” his mother told him as if it was obvious,

“Because he’s a psychopath,” Matt said as he sat up on his bed, wincing slightly be side of the dull ache in his ribs. 

His mother then stood and slapped his across the face. Matt flinched back, but did not do anything else. It was not the first time that his mother had hit him after he said something that she did not like. Matt was used to it. It did not hurt as much as Casey’s hits, so it did not matter. 

“It’s probably because of your mouth,” his mother hissed, standing taller than him. 

“I didn’t talk to him last night,” Matt told her, “I was sleeping when he came in.” 

“Who were you sleeping with?”

“Josh,” Matt answered honestly, then understood what his mother was trying to get at. It was no secret to the boy that both Casey and his mother hated gay people, and Matt would not be surprised that the sentiment was generalized to the rest of the LGBT community. Casey must have called her and told her everything that happened last night in his own twisted version of the story, and now she thought that he and Josh did something last night, which was not true. His and Josh’s cuddling was always platonic and nothing ever happened, Matt was too regressed last night for anything like that to happen anyway. Matt shuttered at the thought of anything happening like that when he was regressed. That sounded scary. 

“We didn’t do anything,” Matt said in a rush. 

“So, you were just sleeping in the same bed with another boy, and you expect me or you father to believe that ‘nothing happened’?”

“Yes, because I’m telling the truth. Nothing happened,” Matt exclaimed. 

"It's not normal to sleep in the same bed as a friend," his mother said in a matter of fact tone, "you don't interact with other boys that way."

"Who made up that rule?" Matt challenged, not caring if it earned him another slap to the face. He did not care about anything at this point. 

"Why would you need to ask?" his mother asked, then got a disgusted look on her face, "unless…"

"I'm not gay," Matt denied, which was technically not a lie. 

"So, you don't like boys at all?"

Matt did not answer the question because that would be a lie, and if he lied to his mother. Matt shuttered at the consequences that would happen. 

"You freak. I always knew that something was wrong with you," his mother hissed. 

"There's nothing wrong with me," Matt said, tears entering his eyes at his mother's harsh words. 

"Liking boys the way that you are supposed to like girls is unnatural."

"I do like girls," at this point, Matt was desperate to try and calm his mother down. She looked so red and angry that Matt could not look at her anymore. It would not be long before she started yelling. The yelling was sometimes worse than the hitting. 

"You are a whore then," his mother stated. 

"No," Matt felt his lower lip tremble and felt his heart shatter. Being called a whore by his own mother has to be one of the most painful things that Matt has ever heard in his short life. A few tears escaped his eyes, but he was not able to hide them from his mother in time.

"Don't you fucking cry. Men don't cry, especially not when they when they hear the truth."

"I'm not…" Matt did not know what he was denying at this point, but he felt the need to deny something. 

"I never want you to speak to Josh again. He is a bad influence."

That was when Matt felt his whole world fall to pieces. 

"I-I can't," Matt stammered, looking up at his mother with pleading eyes.

"You can and you will."

"No," Matt shook his head and took in a shaky breath even though it hurt his ribs to breathe like that. He could not do that. Josh was his heart friend. He loved Josh. 

Matt's mother grabbed his chin and forced him to make eye contact while she said, "You don't tell your mother no."

"M-Mom. Mom, please. I can't do that. Josh's my best friend. Please," Matt knew that he was begging and that begging never worked, but he could not live if he was never allowed to see Josh again. The boy would just live a miserable existence with no friends at all, and getting beat everyday of his life. Matt would much sooner die than had that happen. 

"It's either that or you get out of my house."

Matt's face turned cold, "fine," Matt said, getting up and grabbing his book bag that Josh packed for him last night. The stuff in there had been replaced with his school books that he would need for tomorrow, but he also had some clothes and pull ups. Matt had a feeling that this would happen tonight. 

"What do you mean fine?"

"I would rather live on the streets than live another day in this house," Matt said, a lot stronger than he felt. 

The boy honestly felt like bursting into tears and probably would. When he got to Josh's house. 

…

Matt was right, as soon as Josh answered the door he burst into tears. Josh imminently pulled the younger boy into the house with a "what's wrong, Matty?"

Unfortunately, Matt could not answer Josh's question through his tears, so he simply held onto Josh as tightly as he could without fear of hurting him. Matt buried his face into Josh's chest and continued to cry as Josh lead him somewhere. Where, Matt was not sure until he felt himself be sat on plush cushions. Josh sat him on the couch and we still holding him. 

"Matty, calm down, Buddy," Josh whispered in the boy's ear to try and calm him. The older boy rubbing up and down the younger's back. 

Matt tried to call down, he really did but the boy. could not. He was too overcome with all of the emotions from his conversation with his mother that he could not calm down yet. His mother not only called him all of these mean and horrible things, she also kicked him out of the house. Basically said that she did not want him anymore. She had him choose between her and Casey and Josh. While Matt knew that he would never come to regret his decision, it still felt all too raw. 

"What's going on in here?" Matt heard a female voice ask. It took Matt a second to recognize the voice as Josh's mother's voice. Great, not only did he get kicked out of the house, he was making a fool out of himself in front of Josh's mother. 

"I don't know, Mom," Josh answered, "I answered the door and he just started crying. He won't calm down enough to tell me what's wrong."

"Matt honey," Corlynn said as she came to sit on the other side of Matt. She put her hand on his lower back, feeling the tremors there from his crying and feeling the flinch when she touched him. While he flinched back slightly, the boy did not move to get away so she took that as a good sign. "You need to calm down to tell us what's wrong," she patted the boy's lower back, using the same technique that she used with all of her children when they were overly upset as little kids. 

Under Josh's and Corlynn's gentle mentrations, Matt was able to calm down after a few minutes. Under Josh and Corlynn’s gentle menstrations, Matt was able to calm down within a few minutes. When the boy did, he unattached himself from Josh and said, “sorry,” with a sniffle and wiping his eyes with his sleeves.

“Don’t be sorry Sweet Heart,” Corlynn said, handing Matt a tissue. 

“Yeah,” Josh agreed, wrapping an arm around the younger boy, “but why where you crying, Buddy.” 

Matt sniffled then wringed his hands, “I-I. My mother kicked my out of the house,” Matt’s voice cracked. 

“What? Why?” Josh said in disbelief. He had met Matt’s mother before and while he was mad that she never recognized the abuse, he never thought that she would kick her own son out. 

Matt opened then closed his mouth, not sure if he wanted to come out to three people that day and face their reactions. The boy was sure that Josh would not care about it, but he was not sure about Josh’s mother. While she seemed accepting and nice, one could not always be sure. 

Luckily for Matt, the oven beeped, alerting them to dinner. Corlynn left the room, saying that she was going to wait to call dinner for a moment so that they could talk. 

“My mother found out I’m bi,” Matt said in a whispered tone as if saying it too loud would make someone else angry. 

“I’m sorry, Matty,” Josh said, not sure what else to say. Josh could not imagine what it what it would be like to be kicked out of his parents house over something that he had no control over. Matt’s family was so… fucked up. The only positive side that Josh could think about was that he really would never have to be beat or hurt by Casey again. 

“It’s not your fault,” Matt said, not sure why Josh was apologizing for something that he did not do. Then again, Josh kind of had a habit of doing that.

“I know, Buddy, but,” here Josh paused, looking for the right word, “it’s not right, man. But, I’m sure we can talk to my parents and they will let you stay here.”

“That’s fine,” Corlynn said from the kitchen, “you can stay as long as you need to Matt.” 

Matt blushed when he realized that Corlynn must have been able to hear most, if not all, of the conversation between Josh and Matt. “Y-You don’t have to.” 

“Nonsense,” Corlynn said, “I can’t just let a sixteen year old live on the streets,” said like it was common knowledge, which Matt supposed that it should be.

“O-Okay,” Matt stammered, “th-thank y-you.” 

“Your welcome,” Corlynn nodded, “now, come eat. I’ll get Sarah.” 

As Corlynn went up to get Josh’s sister, Josh helped Matt make his plate. It was the first family meal that he had in a while, and it was great. They talked and laughed, Matt smiled openly for the first time in a long time. Miles came back home from work in the middle of dinner, and Corlynn would not doubt explain the situation with Matt at a later time. 

As Josh was helping him get into bed after a warm shower, Matt could not help but think that being kicked out might have been the best thing that happened to him in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will skip a head about three years, so when the band is together and Fix Me is out.


End file.
